Boy that expression has never been so real to me than as of late.
I have had and have such high expectations of 2010. One goal of mine this year is to not spend any more time in the Emergency Room.
Yep, that's right the ER. As many of you know I spent one aweful night there this past November after we miscarried. I was taken by ambulance from my mom and stepdad's house to the hospital because the bleeding just wouldn't stop. That was the most scary moment of my life thus far. Then, a week later our vehicle gets totaled with Blake and Isaac in it. And that same week we find out from an eye specialist that Isaac has something called Strabismus and may need surgery. "Oh, my" I think to myself.
So, 2010 rolls around and I am praying and believing for a "new" start on things. That we would close a chapter and move foward in our lives. And some of that we have done, but it's just not as closed as I would like it to be. ;)
We paid all our medical bills at the end of the year and thought "this is great to have taken care of!" Then as life would have its way we find out that the hospital in Morehead took down my wrong address and we had outstanding bills with other physicians that had treated me that night in the ER. Grrrrrr! Are you serious!?
So, what happens next?
Last night Blake started having intense pain in his lower back and stomach and I had to take him to the ER. Thank God for great friends to call on a dime. Laura and Stephanie came over to stay with Isaac so we didn't have to lug him with us. This was at 9pm on a Saturday night.
I'm noticing a trend with Saturdays. Everyone of our crazy events has happened on a Saturday night, and with the exception of the miscarriage we still made it to church on Sunday.
Why do you ask?
Because I'm not going to give the devil the satisfaction of thinking we're to tired to praise God. Like Job we won't curse God so he might as well give up.
Anyway, back to Blake. We got to the ER and long story short they think he passed a kidney stone and had a UTI. Praise God the pain subsided after a couple of hours and he didn't need surgery or anything like that.
God's grace was on the whole thing but it started out a little rocky for me. When we first got to the back room to see the doctor I was left there for a few minutes while Blake went to the restroom. While I was sitting there it was almost like a tidal wave of emotion hit me. All the feelings and emotions I had from the night of the miscarriage came back. I started tearing up and all I could think was " I need to pull myself together!" Even now when I see or hear and ambulance I get a little choked up. I feel like I have come to peace with everything but that just brought it all to the surface again. I just can't do hospitals for a while longer I think :)
On a lighter note after Blake's pain eased off a little bit we were able to start joking around a bit.
We talked about how nice it was to have this "quality time" together. We started a guessing game of how much we thought things would cost based off of my previous bill. I told him his IV of saline was probably about $134 and he needed to slow down on that drip. :)
Comic relief is my medicine.
I think both of us at some point last night did start to get a littl anxious about the financial end of things, but by the end we were both okay. Around midnight when Blake was taken to get his CAT scan I was left by myself again. I was like "What do I do with myself now? No TV, no cell phone reception, no battery on my cell phone for games, well, I guess I'm not really alone, God you're here right? " And so I just started to think about Jesus and different scriptures I had read lately. Then I started reciting the Lords prayer in my head over and over. And I got stuck on that part about "give us this day our daily bread". And that brought me peace.
Jesus knows what we need and when we need it. Our bills will get paid, maybe not in our timing, but in His. I realized I had a choice in that moment and in the days and weeks to come. I could get bogged down with finances or I could CHOOSE to praise God. And so praise God I will.
Sometimes you have to tell your emotions what to do.
"Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God."
6 days ago