Sunday, March 21, 2010

Lately I've felt a little like Alice. . .

As of late I have had about a billion thoughts rolling through my head! So I wanted to attempt to share some of them. This may get a little lengthy, so if you're short on time you may want to come back later ;)

Last weekend, Blake and I were blessed by his parents to take a date night to Raleigh for the evening. We ended up seeing Alice in Wonderland at the IMAX and then going to dinner afterwards. As I was watching the movie (especially the end) I thought "Man, that's a good analogy for life".

If you haven't seen the movie yet, I will attempt to explain the scene I am refering to but it is definately better when you see it.

On a side note before I get into that let me just preface this with saying this past 6 months has been the hardest 6 months of my life. It all started October 1st with our second pregnancy, that started off shaky and ended at 10 weeks with a trip to the ER and 2 blood transfusions. A week later our Sequoia got totalled with Blake and Isaac in it. That same week we found out something was wrong with Isaac's eye and he might need surgery. Fast foward a couple months, I'm thinking the worst has to be behind us and then Blake ends up going to the ER with a kidney stone. The man has never been to the ER before this! Then two weeks later, and two weeks before Isaac's eye surgery I break out in hives all over my body. I seriously thought I was having an allergic reaction. I couldn't breath well, I was shaking uncontrollably and thought I was gonna pass out. It was scary. Blake took me to an urgency care place that closed as soon as we got to the door, so that left the ER . . again. So, this time we decided to stay in the car and pray because of the last bill we had recieved :)

Anyway, we ended up going home and I went to the doctor that week and they did a bunch of blood tests. They named off a whole bunch of things it "could be" that were scary and I didn't want. That appointment ended in me going to a thyroid specialist which ended with all my results being normal. Praise God! But you know what I did find out? I had a serious case of panic and anxiety.

I think that my body had just been through so much it finally just shut down and said "I can't take it anymore!!". If someone had told me all the stuff that I felt that week that I had the hives I would have believed them but I'm not sure how much I would have understood. Anxeity is a very real thing and it can do crazy things to your body. I am for sure that part of it was spiritual warfare and man was it intense. I remember the day after the episode I went to church and half way through worship I thought I was going to pass out and my chest felt really tight like it was being squeezed. My friend Kasey got Mrs. Irene over there to pray for me and as soon as she put her hands on me whatever was holding my chest let go. (The devil doesn't like Mrs. Irene, I think he is scared of her, as he should be) :)

So, here I am a month later and doing much better. It has been a day by day fight, but thanks be to God who always leads me to triumph in Christ! As I said earlier, it has been a rough six months and there have been plenty of tears but one thing that has been certain, God has been there. I can't imagine having walked through all of this without Jesus. He is the reason I made it through. The awesome part about it, is that through it I could hear God like never before. His Word became alive. I felt alive every time I opened my Bible and read His promises. One of my favorites was Psalm 138:3 "On the day I called, You answered me; you made me bold with strength in my soul"

Okay, back to Alice in Wonderland. All through the movie the Caterpillar kept telling Alice she wasn't the "right" Alice. And she would say "But it's my dream, how can I not be the right Alice?!" And he would say "Well, I don't know but you're not her".

Then all the characters kept telling Alice that according to the scroll she was supposed to fight the Red Queens Jabberwocky (this horribly ugly dragon). The Mad Hatter said it was up to her, she was the only one that could do it.

That was so relevant to me in this season with battling anxiety. I'm the only one that can fight this battle. Obviously I know Jesus and I do it, but I mean Blake can't do it for me. My mom can't do it for me. My friends can't do it for me. I have to learn to battle. I have to learn the schemes that the devil uses. Anxiety is my battle, but it could be anything for other people; alcohol, drugs, lust, cheating, pride. We all have our battles.

Then at the end of the movie the Red Queen and the White Queen come with their champions to fight. Alice vs. the Jabberwocky. Before the battle the Caterpillar tells Alice that she is now the right Alice. The journey has made her who she was supposed to be.

So, Alice and the Jabberwocky fight. At one point Alice takes her sword out and cuts the Jabberwocky's tongue off! Yuck, but yeah! That's what we have to do with the devil. Cut his tongue off. He is the father of lies, and we don't need to listen to his ridiculous accusations. And, of course in the end, Alice kills the Jabberwocky and the Red Queen is exiled.

It all ends as it should. I know the end of my story too. Devil you will not win. Jesus wins and He will bring to completion the plans He has for my life and yours.

I thank God that He has never left me in this season. During the roughest times I would have to make a choice minute by minute, then hour by hour and day by day to trust Jesus. And He has been faithful.

One last verse I will leave with you is 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ."

My hope in writing this is that it would be an encouragement and comfort to others. Even when life doesn't go as you planned it, God is there and He cares for you. The end will be greater than the beginning!

*picture from LA Times article :)


  1. Good stuff Michelle! I love this post so much! I am definitely praying for Satan to back off of your family :D You guys have been through so much and your time of peace and rest is on its way!

    This is one of my all time favorite passages from James 1 -
    2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

    "Complete, not lacking anything." That gives me chills. Isn't it amazing to serve a God that wants to invest that much time into us.. he wants us to be complete, not lacking anything! He has sooo much for us!

  2. Thanks for sharing! The tools that you have received by going through all of this will never leave you and your fight will only get stronger. You too will start to scare the devil! I am so proud of you for sticking in there and fighting. I know it's hard, but there is a promised land. After 4 years, I am just starting to experience my promise land for the first time after so much bad news and so many battles. I am praying and believing God for your promise land. I love you and am here for you for anything you need. =)

  3. I can relate on so many levels! Glad you are standing strong.

  4. Thank you for taking the time to write it all down and in such a way that brings so much encouragement. You are awesome. I am continuing to believe with you as you forge ahead!! Thanks again for sharing.

  5. I loved reading this, Michelle. That is all so good from the Alice in Wonderland parallels and from the Lord and the Word, of course. You are great. Love you.